What would the holidays or birthdays be like if it weren’t for a few awkward situations involving relatives?  Whether it’s an obnoxious aunt, a mean-spirited grandmother or a loud uncle, most of us have run into an awkward situation at some point in our life involving relatives.  And perhaps it isn’t even as extreme as that…perhaps it’s something as simple as just not having anything in common with your family. 

For instance, you and your family are believers but none of your extended family are.  Or just as tricky, your extended family are believers but they have very, very different doctrine than you do.  Or what if your sister or brother and their spouses parent extremely different than you?  This can pop up in an act as simple as allowing the kids to watch a video together; maybe their kids can watch PG-13 movies and yours don’t; or perhaps you’ve chosen not to allow videos altogether.

What can we do in situations like these?

Due to an unfortunate incident this past Thanksgiving (precipitated by several incidents over the past few years) involving a family member that we see at every family function, I had to seriously think about how best to handle family functions.  The answer was: GRACE.

G: Gentleness:  A defensive attitude, both in the heat of the moment and in follow-up conversations if necessary, will not help the situation.  Having a defensive attitude will only feed the fire and will not allow conflict resolution to take place.  Colossians 3:12. And as my husband, Ed, always tells me “It’s the second person that starts the fight.” 

R: Respect:  What aspect of this person can you/should you respect?  Do you need to respect their right to have a different opinion ( you don’t have to respect what they believe or even agree with it, but they do have the right to have it).  To respect them means to try to understand where they are coming from.  Respect their right even if they aren’t allowing the same right to you. Phil 2:13.

A: Awareness: Be aware of uncomfortable situations that might arise and how you can potentially prevent them.  Have an elderly relative who has a difficult time with the children’s behavior?  Don’t sit the children next to them at the table.  For one relative’s engagement party, we knew there would be a lot of alcohol involved; we arrived at the party precisely on time, stayed an hour (long enough to congratulate the couple and say hi to everyone) and then left. 
Accuracy means that the whole situation needs to be viewed objectively…to accurately view the circumstances in truth and honesty.  When a relative harshly reprimanded my children, I asked myself “Were my children out of line when the event occurred or was the relative out of line?” 

C: Common Ground:  Find something you can talk about with the difficult person.  Even if it’s a new movie being released, the upcoming gardening season, house projects they have planned…try to look for common ground and talk to them about these things.

E: Evangelistic Outreach: Never forget that family functions with unbelievers should be approached with an eye on sharing Christ’s love.  This doesn’t mean that every time you see them you’ll get to share the gospel (in fact with family, it’s probably pretty rare that you’ll get to!).  What it means is your other actions should be showing Christ’s love.  Although I didn’t intend it at the time, when the situation occurred at Thanksgiving, by holding my tongue and being patient I didn’t realize that I was “witnessing” to other family members.  One emailed after the fact that she admired how well I handled the situation, stating that she would have “flown off the handle” over it.  Then I was able to respond that only by grace and the Holy Spirit’s control was I able to remain composed.  You never know what act, what conversation, what reaction is going to speak volumes to family members, so be alert!