By Audrey McKeever

As you observe the physical, mental and emotional changes that your teen is going through, you may be struck by two overwhelming and competing observations.  One is that your teen is a unique creation of God with his own special gifts.  A sense of awe floods your soul as you watch your teen make the transition from a child to an adult.

But the second is that your teen is exhibiting moody behavior that does not honor God.  A sense of urgency fills your heart as you strive to help your teen during this period of topsy-turvy mood swings that are frequently attributed to raging hormones.

As parents, we may erroneously try to justify the mood swings our teens are exhibiting as normal and simply a passing phase called “adolescence.”  We may also wrongly assume that because we are a Christian family who loves one another, we really don’t need to worry.  We may even reason that our teens will grow out of this stage and not permanently adopt undesirable attitudes and behaviors.

Also, as parents we might cling to the findings from recent research that indicate there may be biological basis for our teenagers’ mood swings.  A team from SUNY Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, New York reported that a hormone believed to calm anxiety in adults appears to have the opposite effect in adolescents!  Researchers suspect that this hormone may actually intensify emotions during the adolescent years.  The findings, while not conclusive, make one wonder.

Even if there is such a hormone, parents and teens must not use hormones as an excuse to justify mood swings.  It is never okay to tolerate behavior that contradicts God’s message and character.  A teen’s undisciplined behavior or speech should never be accepted by parents.  Parents will best help their teens by instructing them to exercise self-control over their emotions.  Parents do not have to deny that heightened emotions due to hormones are at work in their teens, but parents must make every effort to teach their teens that they do not have to be ruled by their moods.  We must guard against allowing feelings to govern our lives, because feelings are not always reliable.  Instead, we just allow the Word of God, which is always trustworthy, to rule in our hearts.

Self-control requires effort, but God will give our teens the grace to do that which He requires of them.  The good news is that teens do not have to rely on their own efforts to gain self-control, because God has given them His power to live lives that are honoring to Him.  In essence, to accept undisciplined behavior is to deny the power of the Gospel.

If emotional outbursts become more frequent during adolescence, consider this yet another opportunity to teach your teens that difficult circumstances or trying situations are not the cause of their frustration and anger.  Nor are raging hormones to blame.  Situations, people or hormones never make us do what we do.  Instead, they are the trigger that causes sin issues of the heart to be revealed.

Edward T Welch, M. Div, Pd. D, further explains:  “It is true that emotions are almost always incited by events outside of us, but that is not the entire story.  If we listen carefully, emotions also say something about us, about our own hearts.  They come from us rather than come over us.”  (The Journal of Biblical Counseling, Winter 2000).  Parents, we are in a spiritual battle to help our teens confront worldly triggers from without and sin from within.

The adolescent years can indeed be turbulent and complex years, particularly when our teens demonstrate a lack of self-control. Modern medicine and psychology are quick to blame raging hormones for an adolescent’s moodiness, but Christians must look to the heart and the sin being exposed.  As teens struggle and learn to exercise self-control, it is good for them to remember that Paul Dave Tripp, Directions of Changing Lives Ministries, also reminds us that “God never reveals our hearts to discourage us.  Convicting us of sin is one of the most profound ways He demonstrates His love for us.  God corrects those He loves.”

Parents have the privileged role, ordained by God, to be the spiritual nurturers of their children, to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  May we not lose heart in this important task.  As we help our teens understand that the root of their moodiness comes from within, we are also demonstrating our deep-felt love for them as we trust God to do His work in their hearts.

Audrey McKeever writes a regular column, In Be’teen Times, for TEACH Magazine.