Archive for the ‘Date Your Mate’ Category

By Donna Venning

…Sports Fan

Check out Craigslist.com for great prices on tickets to sporting events.  Many season ticket holders sell their unused seats on this site.  Or, see if the local sports arena offers tours and sign up for one.  Some movie chains show big games (or fights, races) on their screens; make a few calls to inquire about this.  What about dinner out at a sports bar (many sports bars are rumored to have the best burgers you’ll ever find)?

…Outdoors

So easy…get a book on local hikes from the library and plan one.  Has he always wanted to try mountain climbing?  Find (an indoor) climbing gym and sign up for a one-day lesson. Do a little research and find out if there is an old military base within a decent drive…take a day trip and visit it (allow him to impress you with his knowledge of military history!) or ditto for a historic place…a spot on the Oregon Trail, an old battle field…I guarantee within a two-hours drive you’ll find something of interest.

…Academic

Go to a local bookstore and spend a few un-pressured, un-timed hours perusing the books.  Allow him to roam about in his favorite section while you look at yours (but check in on him now and then and ask what he’s found).  Check out the local community college…are they having a lecture on a topic of interest to your husband?  What about some of the area’s churches…are they hosting a guest speaker or do they have a service on Saturday night that you could visit?

…Media

Seriously…just go to Best Buy or (if you’re lucky enough to live near one) a Fry’s Electronics.  Just go, no agenda.  He’ll be in Heaven! If you’ve got the $$$ to spare, give him a gift card when you walk in. Don’t tell him to buy whatever and you’ll pay for it.  Go a few days ahead of schedule and purchase a gift card…that way, he’ll spend it.  If you’re paying with the check book or credit card at the end of the trip, he’s likely to keep the cost in mind and not buy what he wants.  Or the reverse…he could go hog wild and lose all abandon and you’ll walk out of there in debt.

In our area there is a chain of “video” arcades, for lack of a better name to call it, that has HUGE HD screens, leather recliners and every video game system imaginable to man set up in it…you can rent a space for an hour.  There are even “buddy chairs” that can accommodate up to four people at one screen.  If video games are his thing, he’ll love a place like this.  Just do some asking around (ask high-schoolers…they’ll know) if a place like this exists near you.

…Homebody

Send the kids to Grandma’s, a friend’s house…anywhere.  Enjoy a romantic evening at home, just the two of you.  Rent a movie, serve dinner wearing a sexy blouse unbuttoned lower than you’d wear in public…

…Up For Anything

Trapeze classes are the craze right now.  Google “trapeze classes” in your area and see if there is a company that offers classes.  You’ll be surprised.

Have you tried the snake?  There’s a restaurant in Seattle (about 30 minutes away from us) that specializes in exotic meats.  You name it…alligator, yak, kangaroo…it’s on the list.  Not up my alley but men think it’s really cool to be able to tell other men “Yeah, I’ve had ostrich burger before…” There’s probably an interesting restaurant near you, too.

Rent a metal detector.  Sure enough, there’s a business in our area that takes you treasure hunting for two hours using their metal detectors.

Kid Places, Without the Kids: The Bug Museum (or any museum), the Zoo, a Fair, even just a park…places that you usually go with kids can be a totally different experience when just the two of you go.  Take the time to enjoy things you like at these sites. Go to the mall, get an ice cream and people watch.

There are so many fun date ideas…these are just to get your mind thinking.  With internet access (which obviously you have because you receive our ezine), you can Google topics like “Fun date ideas in _____” and enter your city.  Or enter search phrases like “fly fishing rentals” or whatever activity you think he’d like.  You’ll be amazed at what businesses there are out there.  A little research on the computer and you’ll have some great ideas…ideas to extend past Valentine’s Day and into the year.

Now, this article was called Fun Dates Ideas You’ll Both Like…and you may be thinking “but I wouldn’t like the car museum.”  Well, maybe not.  But if you Philippians 2 it, you’ll consider him as more important than yourself and you will be able to enjoy it…for his sake.  Like the grace you’ll give him if he forgets Valentine’s Day (see this issue’s letter), your gift to him can be the gift of enjoyment.  Be his friend, be his companion, be his lover.  Let him enjoy the date and you’ll enjoy it.

By Mrs. Kimberly Lacey

My wonderful husband and I have been married for 14 years this February.  And I love him as much this year as I did the first year.  Our marriage is a good thing, something that I treasure.   I am extremely grateful for it and never want to take it for granted.

 

But I have seen first hand what can happen when you take a marriage for granted.  Sometimes it is like a hurricane; you know it is coming, building up speed until it finally crashes onto land.  Other times it is like a tornado, forming unexpectedly at a deadly force.  Either way the results are the same: wide-spread destruction.  No man is an island and no divorce touches just one person or even just the one couple.  It is a ripple effect, spreading the pain outward from your heart, to your spouse and children, on to extended family and friends and relations.  No family ever truly heals from divorce, at least not in my opinion. 

 

I adore my husband and I want to take precautions to safeguard our marriage.  As Lorrie shares in one of her ebooks, I need to build the levees before the storm…so that when the winds begin to blow; our marriage will be fortified and able to withstand the storm.  

 

So when the Spring 2009 issue of TEACH magazine arrived, I was eager to read the articles.  The theme was marriage and I already knew that Lorrie had spent a great deal of time in prayer for this issue.  She really wanted to make a difference in marriages across America.  Lorrie wanted hearts to be touched, marriages to be strengthened and hopefully saved from the brink of divorce.   Article after article struck a chord in my heart.  The wisdom and encouragement from the submitting authors taught me ways to be a better wife and mom.    I would like to summarize it in the words of Amy O’Quinn:

-          Yes, the “me of now” could certainly tell the “me of then” a thing or two! But now that I think about it, here’s the simple advice I would give: Look to the Lord. Love each other. Forgive each other. Build each other up. Put the other first. Season your speech and actions with grace, and pray, pray, pray! Enjoy every day together and make memories. Celebrate the milestones and cherish the ordinary days. The years will become sweeter because of it. Be thankful for your Prince Charming and bless him all the days of your life as you strive to live “happily ever after!”

 

The magazine reminded me to never take my marriage for granted.  After God, my husband should be my number one priority.  He shouldn’t have to compete for my attention.  I am to cherish the precious children that he entrusts in my care every day. They are his greatest treasure, as well as mine.  And I have been given the privilege of caring for them: loving, training and teaching them. 

 

There were two main marriage-builders that I decided to focus on.  The first was to build my husband up.  This was already something that came natural for me, thankfully.  But I wanted to make a conscious effort to make sure that I was doing it on a regular basis.  I want him to know that I am proud of him and that I appreciate the many things that he does for me and the children.  Along these lines, I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t tearing him down.  Was I being critical, unsupportive, showing doubt about his decisions?  If so, I was determined to stop. 

 

The second thing was to pray for my husband more.  Not just throwing up a prayer here and there as thoughts came to my mind during the day.  Granted, if the thought comes to mind, I am still going to pray for my husband.  But I felt convicted to go much deeper, to have a devoted time of prayer each day for my husband.  So I decided on a routine that would be easy for me to remember and would have no interruptions.  I decided that I would pray for my husband every time that I take a shower.  Where else am I going to find that kind of uninterrupted time, with nothing else on my “to-do” list competing for my attention?  It has worked out great.  It is now a special time where I talk to God about the love of my life.  I can pour my heart out to God about my husband’s emotional, physical and spiritual needs.  I can pray about big and little decisions that my husband is facing, about his role as husband and father, and his career.  Anything and everything.  

 

While on the subject of praying for your spouse, I have to share something very exciting.  A few days ago, I received the neatest thing that I can’t wait to try out.  Lorrie has come up with a plan called “Praying for our Husbands: 31 Day Plan”.  Each day has a very specific prayer for your husband and a Bible verse to back it up.  Here are two examples.

 

Day 6 – Pray that he would be forever captivated by my love.

Proverbs 5:18

            “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”

 

Day 16 – Pray that he would be a man who enters into spiritual warfare.

Ephesians 6:11

            “Put on the whole armour of God that we may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.”

 

Exciting, huh? 

 

So after all I learned and was reminded of by reading the Marriage Issue of TEACH magazine, imagine my delight when given the chance to read Lorrie’s Marriage Bundle.  I was certain that she had lots more wonderful insight to share, so much more that I could learn from her.  By the way, a PDF of the Marriage Issue and the 31 Day Plan for praying for your husband are both included in this bundle.  I highly recommend both!

 

First, let me say that this bundle is HUGE!  It is amazing just how much you get.  I have read the articles and there is a lot of great stuff in there.  So many things that I can take and apply to my life, RIGHT NOW! 

Take for example, “Loving Your Knight in Shining Armor Even When He Doesn’t Shine”.   (Love that title, by the way.)  Lorrie uses humor, quotes, Bible verses, analogies and of course, insight into her years of marriage to help teach us how to be the wives that we ought to be.  I was so touched by Lorrie’s heart. I felt like I was having a chat with a dear friend, sharing her wisdom to help make my marriage stronger. 

Lorrie shares stories of women who destroyed their marriages through selfishness, always thinking of themselves before their husbands.  It is sad to read of these women, so sure they were in the right…until the damage was done and their family was torn apart.  But then Lorrie shares the stories of those who married for life and meant it.  The stories of women who determined to love and respect their husband and made a choice to take the word “divorce” out of their vocabulary.  These women weren’t perfect, nor were their husbands or their marriages.  But they made it; and so can we.  That is huge to me!  Yes, we can make it. Then Lorrie gives us a plethora of great ideas to not only make a marriage last, but to make it shine.

So, how can I put these ideas to work for me?  Make my husband my number one priority.  He should not have to compete with anyone else OR anything else.  Not our children, our homeschool, church activities, volunteer work, chores.  Respect him.  Compliment him.  Never criticize him in front of ANYONE.  No, not anyone!  Treat him like my Knight in Shining Armor and he will shine, in the confidence of my love and support.

Want another example?  How about “Roadmap to a Marvelous Marriage”?  God created us to be a helpmeet to our husbands.  So that should be our main career in life, to help our husbands.  We should build him up, encourage him, and submit to his authority.  Offer him help, reverence, love and submission.  Submitting is a big one.  God commands us to do it and he will bless us for it. 

Well, what do I do now?  Lorrie has given me the tools and I need to use them.  My husband is the leader in our home and I must remember that.  My job is to help him, not to control him or berate him or nag until I get my way.  My husband has a heavy load to carry.  He must deal with work and finances and projects at home.  He is responsible for a wife and children.  It is a big responsibility to be the leader, to be in charge.  And my husband needs to know that I am on his team and I am his cheerleader.  I want him to know that he is my hero; I am proud of him and believe in him.  He should never have to wonder if he has my love and my support.  Of course, he does have my love and support.  But I want to make sure that he always knows it, without a doubt.

I will just throw out a few more examples from the ebooks and ebooklets included in the Marriage Bundle.  In “It Happened on a Brooklyn Subway”, we learn of a true story that reminds of us God’s amazing power and ability to intervene.  In “The Right One”, those of you not yet married are reminded to never settle: wait for the right one.  The “75 Inexpensive Romantic Rut Cures” reminds us that it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something to keep the romance alive.  Just keep talking, laughing and celebrating life together.  “Shmily” is a favorite of mine, a tear-jerker.  Always find the time the show your husband how much you love him and do it OFTEN.  “What God says about Marriage and Love” lists lots of verses by topic, all having to do with marriage.  It would make a great Bible study.  “U.S. Divorce Rates” was a real eye-opener.  If you don’t fight for your marriage, no one else will.  Lots of people are making a whole lot of money off of divorce and the catastrophe that follows it.  A very interesting read!  “Marriage Tidbits to Treasure” helps you build that levee that I mentioned earlier to protect your marriage and family.  Learn to flee temptation at the very first sign of it.  Don’t walk, RUN!  The ebook, “Marriage – Quotes not Quibbles” was a big hit with me.  I just loved it.  You see, I love quotes.  They inspire me.  They remind of the important things.  They give me something to good to dwell on.  I have started a “Quote Book” of some of my favorites and like to post them as my FaceBook status.  So I was thrilled to find so many wonderful ones about marriage all in one place.

I want to mention the “Praying for our Husbands: 31 Day Plan” again.  In my humble opinion, this is one of the most important things in the entire bundle.  If you follow this plan for 31 days, it will become a routine.  You will form a new habit.  And what a great habit it will be!  As Lorrie’s bundle mentions: If you aren’t praying for your husband, no one is.  Wow!  Have you ever thought about that?  You want God’s hand in your husband’s life.  After all, he is leading your home.  So someone better be praying for him.  And who better than the one who knows and loves him more than anyone else?  Psalms 127:1a states “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” (KJV)

Are you planning to marry soon?  This bundle will help you prepare; start off the right way (God’s way).  Is your marriage good?  This bundle can help you make it better (build the levees before the storm comes).  Is your marriage in trouble?  This bundle will be like Lorrie taking you by the hand and leading you, one step at a time, back onto the right track.

Have you prayed for your husband today?

Welcome to part 3 of Lorrie’s latest writings on marriage!  It’s January and many of us are full of resolutions  and good intentions; one area you’ll definitely want to commit to improving (even a good marriage can be better and a great marriage more spectacular).  Arguments about holiday bills, lack of sleep over the holidays, and general weather blues can attribute to poor communication between spouses. So this month, we want to remind you that when it comes to your marriage…Learn to Listen!

 Straight Talk on Marriage, Part 3

Mrs. Lorrie Flem

 For true communication in your marriage and for real relationship building to occur, then when one of you is talking the other obviously has to listen. One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they lost the ability or never had the skills to communicate with one another. Poor listening skills lead to the breakdown in communication in a marriage. This week talk with one another about how you can both be more effective and life-giving listeners. If your spouse wants to communicate with you, stop what you are doing so that you can give your spouse your full attention.

• When talking with your spouse, maintain eye contact.
• When you don’t want to be distracted while talking with one another, choose a neutral location to have your conversation.
• It is important to remember to listen to one another without interrupting.
• Don’t jump to conclusions about what your spouse is saying.
• If you need clarification of what your spouse has said, ask questions, but don’t point fingers.
• Respond without being critical of what your spouse has said.
• Be affirmative and supportive.
• Decide together to make time to have alone time with each other on a regular basis — preferably once a week.

 Don’t interrupt, use non-verbal communication, keep an open mind, stay focused, and have fun with each other! Remember, he’s not the enemy!

Taking Time to Talk

 

A healthy, enduring marriage requires hard work, thoughtfulness, and love. You have to be willing to make sacrifices and compromises. It’s not always easy but you can find happiness and companionship that will last a lifetime. The rewards are worth it!

 

For your marriage to last many years, it is important that you show your love for one another on a regular basis. That means daily taking a few minutes, even seconds, to put your spouse first on your priority list. Spend at least 10 minutes a day focused on one another without the distraction of your kids, the TV, the phone, etc.

 

I don’t mean, “Remember to pick up Jimmy’s soccer uniform.” Or “I have a PTA meeting tonight.” Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.

There’s always more to learn about one another no matter how long you’ve been together. Go over the following statements together. If the two of you disagree on some of these statements, talk about them in more depth. You may find that you will just have to agree to disagree now and then!

 

 I prefer coffee to tea.

 I squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.

 Valentine’s Day is important to me.

 I prefer cats to dogs for house pets.

 I do not want animals as house pets.

 I enjoy cooking.

 I think it is OK to ask our parents for advice in financial matters.

 I prefer waterbeds to regular beds.

 Quality time to me is the two of us alone.

 We need to discipline the kids more.

 I would like to have a child of my own sex even if it means trying again after we have reached the number of children that we have agreed on.

 I want a one level house.

 I like to tell gross jokes.

 I would be open to adoption if we can’t conceive children on our own.

 I prefer reading to watching TV.

 It is OK to charge things like clothes, travel and other expenses on charge cards and carry the credit balance for a few months before paying it off.

 Hair left on soap in the shower bothers me.

 I enjoy improving my home with paintings, sculptures, etc .

 I like apples more than oranges.

 I like my home to be a place where friends gather informally.

 I obey the posted speed limit.

 I like showers better than baths.

 I would like to shower/bathe with you.

 I’m an impulsive spender.

 I believe we will save more than $200 from our income each month.

 It is important that we eat dinner together as a family.

 I would not mind vacationing by myself sometimes.

 I would enjoy visiting an art museum.

 My spouse will say that I get along well with his/her parents.

 I see nothing wrong with the man being the primary cook in our house.

 I don’t like anyone to use my pen.

 I would rather be cremated than buried.

 We should make a will.

 I would be willing to move to advance my spouse’s career.

 I save recyclable materials.

 The most important thing we can give our children is security.

 I like to watch TV in bed.

 I would prefer attending a party to reading.

 Asking for a date is only a man’s prerogative.

 We will open our gifts on Christmas Eve.

 I am sometimes the life of the party.

 I feel comfortable discussing sex.

 I believe that clothes should be separated by fabric and/or color before washing.

 I believe prayer is an important part of my life.

 I like beards on men.

 There is a correct way to hang toilet paper.

 I like to watch sports on TV.

 I like meat and potatoes better than casserole.

 I believe that clothes should be line-dried rather than machine dried.

 I enjoy country music.

 Religious training is important for children.

 We will open a joint bank account.

 I like ketchup on eggs.

 I believe regular church attendance is important.

 I believe that the toilet should be covered by the lid when not in use.

 If there is something between us we should talk it out before having sex.

 I enjoy dinner by candlelight.

 I prefer to live in a condo or apartment rather than an individual house.

 I prefer comedy movies to horror movies.

 It will be OK to borrow money from our parents if we need to.

 I enjoy classical music.

 When I get mad, I need time to cool down, then I can talk.

 The word later can mean more than one day.

 I prefer chocolate much more than vegetables.

 I think it is OK to call mom once a day to chat and see how things are going.

 I am more of a leader than a follower.

 Sex is the most important factor in a successful relationship.

 We will both be involved in cooking, house cleaning, laundry and yard work.

 I like to sleep in the nude.

 I believe we both should have life insurance and should buy it asap.

 It is important that we attend church together on a regular basis.

 I want a pet.

 We will have sex whenever I want to.

 Warmth and affection are important in a happy marriage.

 

The lesson to be learned by this exercise is that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. There’s still more to learn about each other. Also, by seeing where your priorities/values might be different you have the opportunity to stop fights before they start.

Have fun with it! Generally, people are surprised after comparing their responses. Many think they knew their husband better. One thing is certain; you will know him better afterwards!

Part 1 of 9

 

The surprising secret is that making your marriage better doesn’t have to take any extra time in your already busy schedule. Just a change in attitude plus a committed focus can yield a stronger, happier marriage.

So here’s our challenge to you. TEACH Talk is dedicating one ezine a month to your marriage.  Each month we will share a tip on improving an area of your marriage.  Take the following four weeks (until the next tip) to work on that area of your marriage (ex: this month’s tip is about being a couple).  Spend the four weeks praying about, talking about and working on that area. Our tips are simple, practical, and do-able.  We’re committing to sharing with you; you take the next step to commit to working on your marriage.  You’ll be surprised at how easily you can transform some of those “tension spots” in your marriage into areas of blessing and unity.

Tip #1: Celebrate Being a Couple

(Oct 8-Nov 12)

Celebrating your special days and remembering meaningful moments and times is an important way to enhance your marriage. This month, look at ways you can have fun, be alone together, and celebrate your anniversary or other special days. Being romantic isn’t just for couples who are dating. Here are simple ways you can be romantic in your marriage all through the year.

• Make a decision to be romantic.
• Enjoy a full moon together.
• Call your spouse during the day and say something romantic.
• Hold hands.
• Leave a love note for your mate to find.
• Walk, talk, and hold hands.
• Remember to give a lingering kiss for no reason at all.
• Say “I love you.”
• Watch a classic romantic movie together.
• Lie down on a blanket in your backyard and watch the clouds or stars.
• Send a romantic card.
• Plan a romantic, candlelight dinner.
• Pick a bouquet for the table together.
• Write a romantic love letter.
• Nibble on your spouse’s ear and whisper something sweet or spicy.
• Schedule in a romantic date to look forward to.