Archive for the ‘Laugh With Lorrie’ Category

*From The London Times:*

Outside the Bristol Zoo, England, there is a parking lot for 150
cars and 8 coaches, or buses.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine
charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches £5 (about $7).

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.

Then,one day, he just didn’t turn up for work.

“Oh well”, said Bristol Zoo Management – “we’d better phone up the
City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant…”

“Err … no”, said the Council, “that parking lot is your responsibility.”

“Err … no”, said Bristol Zoo Management, “the attendant was  employed by the City Council, wasn’t he?”

“Err … NO!” insisted the Council.

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a bloke who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at £400 (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over £3.6 million ($7 million) – tax free!

Dessa had the flu over the Labor Day Weekend, then I got it, and now Randy. Last night when we got home John, Luke and I were in my bedroom visiting and John’s stomach growled extremely loud.

John exclaimed, “Did you hear my stomach?”

I said, “How could we not?”

Luke, totally innocently said, “That was your stomach? I thought it was your cell phone.”

This morning my friend, Gini, said I have something I want to read to you. This is what she read:

My Rememberer Is Broke

My forgetter’s getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say “what am I here for?”
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, “who was that?”

Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.

It ISN’T funny! I can more than relate. This is me. I have done all of these things more than once. How about you?

NOT 7 new pounds for those who eat it . . . I hope!

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 3 cups sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
• 5 eggs, at room temperature
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup 7 UP

For the Glaze:

• 1/4 cup 7 UP
• 1/2 cup sugar

Preheat oven to 300°F. Grease and flour a 10-inch tube pan.

Combine butter, shortening, sugar, vanilla and almond extract in the bowl of an electric mixer. Beat until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

In a separate bowl, combine the flour and salt, and add to butter/sugar mixture alternately with 1 cup 7 UP, beating well after each addition.

Spoon batter into prepared 10-inch tube pan, and bake for 1 hour and 45 minutes, or until cake tester comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then invert on serving plate and remove pan.

While cake is cooling, make the glaze by stirring together the 1/4 cup 7 UP and 1/2 cup sugar in a saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, and boil 1 to 2 minutes or until sugar is completely dissolved. Punch holes in top of warm cake with a toothpick. Spoon glaze over cake, and cool completely before serving.